If you've ever wondered what its like to be retarded, considered retarded and treated like you are retarded, then I can to the best that I can describe my experience. What I am about to impart is an experience that has occurred within reality, if an incel has never gotten a woman, if a rapist has committed, if a poor man poverty. I will tell you the poverty of the mind and what its like to see life from a series of contradiction, borderline insanity and hikki moratas along the way.
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid and was for a time medicated, reason for it is I could never keep seated, I was also a talker, and I mean a talker. I loved to talk as a youth, but no one would really talk to me and many thought of me as annoying. I was born to a piece of shit mom and dad. Long story short, my dad was a teenager when he had me and my mother was older than him, she was a compulsive liar and what I can remember from my youth was a scene in which I’m in a car and I locked the doors and as my mother comes back and tries to open the door, she starts yelling at me and as I’m rushing to open it I just blacked out.
Now where the main story takes place is in a time when my dad got remarried and my life would be more materially stable, but emotionally and socially traumatizing. School for me was hell, I hated how I was treated and worse, I was always getting into trouble for stupid things, but the one that got me most as a youth was talking, I liked to talk to others, but always told to stop talking or even being moved away from other students But I always sat alone, or really felt alone, I would just sit there and think of random things, maybe about my favorite shows or thinking about imaginary things; always was I last, treated terribly or looked down upon.
In middle school I was bullied, and I remember everyday I would hate being there because I either got in trouble for stupid things or I would be treated rudely by other students. I never felt connected with the other students, nor did I feel connected with the teachers. I was never good at academics, again, I would just sit there or make up answers or try to get it done quickly, but I never cared, I never thought anything of it, TV in my youth was everything and being grounded was hell, because I would just sit or imagine like a child.
The weirdest thing I’ve come up with as a youth to get by was that I imagined. I would imagine myself a main character of my favorite shows, but if you saw me and what I was doing, I would imagine, shacking my hands or acting in manners liken to a play, but to me it seemed normal, because I didn’t have to think about reality or what was really going on.
I feel aloof, out of it, my mind is always talking I.e., I constant have negative and or egoic self-talk, I could be doing something such as playing a game and I could have a flash back of the past or think thoughts that I don’t want to remember. It’s aloofness, pleasure seeking and worse isolation. Before I met many of you in my youth, I had the ps3 and while I talked with people on there, my problems followed me everywhere no matter where I met, the lying and or the stupid petty attitudes. Overall, One thing I noticed was that till this day, I shut down during stressful situations, I’m isolated, for example at my work I go to the bathroom and I listen to music and imagine.
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid and was for a time medicated, reason for it is I could never keep seated, I was also a talker, and I mean a talker. I loved to talk as a youth, but no one would really talk to me and many thought of me as annoying. I was born to a piece of shit mom and dad. Long story short, my dad was a teenager when he had me and my mother was older than him, she was a compulsive liar and what I can remember from my youth was a scene in which I’m in a car and I locked the doors and as my mother comes back and tries to open the door, she starts yelling at me and as I’m rushing to open it I just blacked out.
Now where the main story takes place is in a time when my dad got remarried and my life would be more materially stable, but emotionally and socially traumatizing. School for me was hell, I hated how I was treated and worse, I was always getting into trouble for stupid things, but the one that got me most as a youth was talking, I liked to talk to others, but always told to stop talking or even being moved away from other students But I always sat alone, or really felt alone, I would just sit there and think of random things, maybe about my favorite shows or thinking about imaginary things; always was I last, treated terribly or looked down upon.
In middle school I was bullied, and I remember everyday I would hate being there because I either got in trouble for stupid things or I would be treated rudely by other students. I never felt connected with the other students, nor did I feel connected with the teachers. I was never good at academics, again, I would just sit there or make up answers or try to get it done quickly, but I never cared, I never thought anything of it, TV in my youth was everything and being grounded was hell, because I would just sit or imagine like a child.
The weirdest thing I’ve come up with as a youth to get by was that I imagined. I would imagine myself a main character of my favorite shows, but if you saw me and what I was doing, I would imagine, shacking my hands or acting in manners liken to a play, but to me it seemed normal, because I didn’t have to think about reality or what was really going on.
I feel aloof, out of it, my mind is always talking I.e., I constant have negative and or egoic self-talk, I could be doing something such as playing a game and I could have a flash back of the past or think thoughts that I don’t want to remember. It’s aloofness, pleasure seeking and worse isolation. Before I met many of you in my youth, I had the ps3 and while I talked with people on there, my problems followed me everywhere no matter where I met, the lying and or the stupid petty attitudes. Overall, One thing I noticed was that till this day, I shut down during stressful situations, I’m isolated, for example at my work I go to the bathroom and I listen to music and imagine.
